Hyman Whifferzoff had a jewelry store
Hyman Whifferzoff had even more
He had the biggest diamond in the world

Such a man was Whifferzoff
Such a man was Whifferzoff
Whifferzoff was such a man

He’d gotten the diamond years before
With guns and knives and goats and a wild boar
He had the biggest diamond in the world

Such a man was Whifferzoff
Such a man was Whifferzoff
Whifferzoff was such a man

One night thieves went for the diamond and they climbed it
But they were no match for our hero Hyman
He fought them off and sold them pearls he had the biggest diamond in the world

Such a man was Whifferzoff
Such a man was Whifferzoff
Whifferzoff was such a man

(lyrics: Dan Bern)