Talkin’ Tea Party Blues

Well, I’d had my breakfast
Had my lunch
Eggs and meatloaf
Eaten hearty
But still I felt a little thirsty
So I walked down the street
Sign on the door said “Tea Party”

The door flung open
There they were
All decked in red and white and blue
They said, “Are you the Boogie Man?”
I said “No.”
They said “Phew!
“Come on in!
“Sieg Heil, I mean Howdy Do!
“Welcome, Stranger!”

They passed some Magic Markers out
And winked like we knew what they meant
They said, “These we use to draw a
“Hitler mustache on the president”
Someone said “The colored president!”…..
Someone else said “We don’t say colored….
We prefer Nigra…..”

Then some guy, he stood up and shouted
“Healthcare is a mortal sin!”
His tracheostomy tube fell out
And he stuck a cigarette in
I lit it for him
He said “Thank you”

“No more taxes!” they all shouted
And then they pumped their fists
I said, “What about the potholes?”
They said “Communist!”
“Doesn’t make you a bad person, though….
“You were born here, right?…
“You can prove it, right?….
“Can you prove it?”

I said, “How about that oil spill
“Way on down there in the gulf?”
They said, “Oh, you mean, Obama’s Katrina?
“Let the Mexicans clean it up!….
“We don’t like fish anyway…
“We prefer meat….and tea….”
I said, “Speaking of tea, can I have some?”
They said, “We don’t drink tea, we dump it….
“Like in Boston….the uh….Red Sox….um….
“Founding Fathers!”
I said, “Oh, like Amerigo Vespucci, Cristobal Colombo?”
They said “Sounds like a bunch of undocumented Mexican “Drug lords….And by the way, do you know who was in “favor of healthcare for the gypsies?….

Well, someone shouted “Something’s wrong,
“We’re hurt,we’re sick, we’re ailin’
“No health care, no tax, no Mexicans!
“Help us, heal us,Sarah Palin!….
“No more colored presidents….
“Too many Jews on the Supreme Court….
They they turned up the air conditioning and put on fur coats
To dispel the myth of global warming

Well, I tell you all these slogans
Whirling twirling ’round my head
I could have used a good hot cup of tea
They said “Tea is for blue state wimps
Have a Budweiser!”

And then we all said “Heil Obama”
And I said, “It’s gettin’ late.”
I left their little tea party
Went back to the United States
Walked out the door
Stepped in a pothole
Broke my skull
Didn’t have health care
So, I bled to death

(lyrics: Dan Bern)