Well my back was sore, my throat was shot
And my guitar felt like a heavy load
So I called my booking agent up
Said, you got to get me off the road
He said, Off the road…I think we can do that

He said I got the perfect gig for you
No more cafes , no more bars
I’m gonna put you on the very first
Luxury cruise ship…to Mars
Two years there, two years back….
I thought, finally a steady gig…’cause you know….
I get tired of traveling…..

They gave me a four piece back up band, they gave me
Four guys who could really play
We entertained the passengers
For tips and three square meals a day
Well, 3 freeze-dried packages….It went pretty good for a while…. Then the band decided they wanted
To do their own material….so we broke up….they started doin’ their own solo gigs around the ship….

I felt inspired as never before
Way up there in outer space
I wrote songs about the asteroids
And the sun & different phases of the earth
Anti-gravity…protest songs about the shitty freeze-dried food….everyone said ‘come on man, play the songs
From your records’….they started going to my old band members’ gigs instead of mine

After bein’ on the ship for a year and a half
I started to notice this pretty girl
She worked as a waitress in the café
Handing out freeze dried plastic packages
We fell madly in love…she wanted me to give up my music for something more stable….
I said, “Baby it’s not like I can go anyplace”….we broke up and she married my former drummer who agreed to
Give up his music to replace solar panels….i was heartbroken and wrote a whole bunch of songs about being
Heartbroken and the isolation of deep space….everyone said, “c’mon, play the songs from your record”

By the time we finally got to Mars
I was pretty sick of the whole bit
I went outside and touched the ground
Grabbed some rocks, that was about it
Couldn’t wait to get back to the earth, to a place with some vibe, some ambience….’cause no matter what NASA says,
Mars just ain’t go to atmosphere….

When I got back home I got a call
From my booking agent, he said Dan
I hope that Mars was lots of fun
I said you can shove it up your anus, man
He said Uranus, I‘ve been meaning to talk to you about Uranus….
We can get you six nights on, one night off…
Opening up for Ani Difranco….
That’s a young crowd, you know….
And those people buy t-shirts….
I said how long will this one take….
He said, 20 years there, 20 years back….
But you gain six hours on the time change….
I said, Can I play whatever I want?….
He said sure… just play something from your record….

(lyrics: Dan Bern)