It was a sunny day, kinda like today
And there wasn’t a whole lot going on
So I thought, you know what’d be kinda fun
Would be to go grab a guitar and sit on a porch or a lawn…
Swap tunes with Ani Difranco…

Then I thought, yeah, but she’s real busy
Playing them shows and makin’ up rhymes
But then I figured, even she’s
Got to go home to Buffalo sometime
So I drove there…parked outside her mom’s house…

Well, I knocked, and her Mama answered the door
I said, would this be the Difranco place
I said, I’m looking for Ani if she’s around.
She said, Fuck you and your untouchable face
That’s when I knew I had the right house…

I said, Golly, Mrs. Difranco
Might I trouble you for a glass of water?
Then maybe I could sit awhile
And wait, and swap some songs with your daughter
She seemed to take pity on me…she asked me in…fed me some pasta…
Gave me a sponge bath…toweled me dry…showed me Ani’s room…
She said, she’s not around, I guess you can stay….

Well, I stayed eight months with Mrs. Difranco
She darned my socks and sewed up my sleeves
Then one morning she woke me up
Said, Ani’s home, you’ll have to leave
I packed my things…kissed Mrs. Difranco goodbye..and was gone

Well, it’s been two weeks and I ain’t heard
From you, Mrs. Difranco and I’m feeling blue
I am walking out in the rain, listening to the low moan of the dial tone again
I am getting nowhere with you and I can’t let it go and I can’t get through

Well, I looked up Ani’s schedule
And I see that she’s back out on the road, and well,
I guess I’ll shuffle on up to Buffalo
And hang out with Mrs. Difranco a spell
I’ll bring my laundry…get another one of them sponge baths…
This time, though, I’m gonna watch her close…this time, I’m gonna
Watch her real close…
‘Cause everyone…
Everyone…
I mean, everyone…
Is a fucking Napoleon….

(lyrics: Dan Bern)