The day everybody got stoned was a Thursday
The sky was blue and the birds sang pretty
Traffic it moved, well, really really slow
But no one cared they had the tunes crankin loud
Crankin really really really really loud

The day everybody got stoned I went
To the post office to mail a letter to a friend
When I got to the window I noticed that the clerk
Had a beautiful necklace made out of green coral
I commented on it, he took it off and let me feel it
Then I asked him what his job was like
He invited me into the back room and showed me
How the post office worked for the next 4 hours

The day everybody got stoned, I talked
To my mom on the phone for an hour about God
She said, son I’m really toasted, yeah, son I’m really fried
And did you know that your nails keep growing after you’ve died

The day everybody got stoned, the president
Came on TV and said, man I can’t believe
I’m actually talking to a hundred million people
It blows my mind and I got nothing to say

The day everybody got stoned, the cops
Stayed in the doughnut shop the entire day
No one got shot and no one got robbed
Though a million people ended up quitting their job

And at a Wal-Mart store in Cincinnati
There were seventeen reported cases of nudity
One was the mayor, who later said
Seemed like such an excellent idea at the time

The day everybody got stoned was a Thursday
The sky was blue and the birds sang pretty
The traffic it moved, well, really really slow
But no one cared they had the tunes crankin loud
Crankin really really really really loud

(lyrics: Dan Bern)