No one is fat,

They all are stylish and beautiful

No one drives pick up trucks

They walk around or ride bicycles


In montreal, in montreal


They all paint watercolors

Of trees in the morning

And they all play

A passable game of tennis


Not doubles—they play singles


I bet when they’re at home they

Walk around, naked, most of the time

Even the homeless are healthy and smile

And don’t care if you give them a dime


They all have creamy skin

They like to stroll in the park

Everyone’s got some

Amusing and brave little secret


In montreal, in montreal



They like to stroll down the blvd eating fresh ice cream

Even the old ones walk straight and go round with their backpacks


They all can spot you as not speaking French

From at least three-tenths of a kilometer

They don’t look down on you

It’s just a good chance

For them to try out their English


Personne non gras

Tout le monde est elegant, et beau

Ils preferant, les bicicles aux camions


In montreal, in montreal

(lyrics: Dan Bern)

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