Louis Farrakhan didn’t marry Phyllis Diller
Louis Farrakhan didn’t marry Phyllis Diller
Louis Farrakhan didn’t marry Phyllis Diller
Louis Farrakhan didn’t marry Phyllis Diller

But if he did she’d have fed him lots of chocolate
And if he did she’d have made him play Monopoly
And if he did she’d have dyed his hair pink
And if he did he’d have been more fun

Oh-Ohh, Phyllis Diller
Oh-Ohh, Louis Farrakhan
Oh-Ohh, Phyllis Diller
Oh-Ohh, Louis Farrakhan

Louis Farrakhan didn’t marry Phyllis Diller
They ran around in different social circles
Louis Farrakhan didn’t marry Phyllis Diller
I don’t even know if he knows Phyllis Diller

But if he did she’d have heckled him in Baltimore
And if he did they’d vacation in the Catskills
And if he did she’d have organized poker nights
Something fun to keep his mind off his work

Oh-Ohh, Phyllis Diller
Oh-Ohh, Louis Farrakhan
Oh-Ohh, Phyllis Diller
Oh-Ohh, Louis Farrakhan

This is not a knock against the real Mrs. Farrakhan
I’m sure she loves her husband a lot
But Louis Farrakhan should have married Phyllis Diller
And if he did he’d be really, really cool

‘Cause if he did he’d have probably been funnier
When he talked about Hitler and the Jews
And who knows, maybe he’d have even been sponsored by
The B’nai B’rith Anti-Defamation League

Oh-Ohh, Phyllis Diller
Oh-Ohh, Louis Farrakhan
Oh-Ohh, Phyllis Diller
Oh-Ohh, Louis Farrakhan

(lyrics: Dan Bern)