God came to me in a dream; I knew it was God
He had a long white beard
And a pink striped tunic
And the word “God” was spelled out above him
With an arrow pointed at his head

Well, just now it occurs to me
He could be a dog
He could be a dgo
He could be a gdo
As in Waiting for Godot
But no, no, no
It was “God”
The Kabbala is for crazy people
Not for me
And not, might I be so bold to say,
Not for God

And I said, Hey God, hey God, hey God
How’s it hanging, tough guy?
He said, Lower yourself before me
I lay down naked on the floor
He said, We’re on the 14th floor
Can’t you get a little lower?
So I got in the elevator
And rode down to the basement
And I lay down naked on the floor
It was cold and it was crawly
But He said, Lower yourself before me
I said, I’m lying naked in the basement floor
He said, We’re at 3,000 feet here
So I got in a taxicab
And I went out to the airport.
And I hopped a flight to Phoenix
Which wasn’t hard to do
‘Cause every flight goes through Phoenix
Even if you’re flying from say, New York to Boston
You gotta go through Phoenix
And when I got to Phoenix
I rented a car
From Budget Rent-a-Car
‘Cause Hertz and Avis and the others
Wouldn’t rent to me in my nakedness
And I rode out to Death Valley
And I lay down naked on the ground
And I said, Hey God, hey God, hey God
How’s it hanging, tough guy?
He said, The Age of Specialization is over
I said, Excuse me?
He said, The Age of Specialization is over
I said Excuse me God, I thought that’s what you said
But you sound like a Time Magazine editorial
If I go back to the others and say, I just talked to God
Here’s the 11th Commandment
And if it includes the word “specialization,” we’re sunk
And He said, What do you mean, eleventh commandment?
I only gave him 8
I said, Ten, God, ten–You gave Moses ten commandments
He said, Excuse me, I ought to know , I only gave him eight
I said, well I guess he added a couple on his own
And god seethed, and thunder and lightning crashed the heavens,
And God said, At least I hope he didn’t change the ones I gave him…
Like the one about the moose
I said, The one about the moose?
He said, Yeah , you know, “thou shalt not be mean to a moose”
And I said, Oh yeah, commandment six, about the moose
And I thought, I got some chutzpah now,
I’m here lying to the Lord
And I thought, yeah, whatever, no one’s perfect
Besides, I don’t need that lighting jazz,
Lying naked in the desert
So I said, No more specialization, huh God?
He said, Yeah, that’s right
Everybody can drive, everybody can cook,
Everybody can paint, everybody can sing,
Everybody can dance, and everybody can love

I said, Whoa, hold on there, buddy,
Sounds like a nation of dilettantes
He said, That’s right
Everybody can do everything
I shrugged my shoulders and said 0kay I’ll tell ‘em
And I started slinking away and he said, Oh, one more thing
I said, “Yeah what is it
And He made me stand up,
He gave me some underwear
And He whispered in my ear, he said
The best, the best, the best
The best is yet to come…..

And I said, Hey God, hey God, hey God….

(lyrics: Dan Bern)