Joseph and Ernest

Josephine and Ernest
Were most undoubtedly
The one perfect couple
That ever I did see
Jo had narcolepsy
She’d fall smack down on her back
That suited Ernie fine
He was a necrophiliac

Well he used to buy those love dolls
At the magic shop
They’re okay for a while
But eventually they pop
Next he’d pay old ladies
To lie in tubs of ice
They’d turn blue and their hearts would stop
He thought that that was nice
But his first date with Josephine
He knew he’d found Miss Right
She had one of her attacks
It lasted all that night
I simply cannot say out loud
What Ernie did to Jo
The best part was when she awoke,
She didn’t even know

Well Josephine was 21 when she became a bride
At 60 Ernie buried her
Ten years after she died
So let’s all do the Josephine and Ernest
Perfect couple dance
And though you’ll never read about ’em
In a harlequin romance
They were ordained by providence
To join up in the sack
Jo was a narcoleptic
Ernie was a necrophiliac

(lyrics: Dan Bern)

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