Over in China there’s a man named Jack
Works at the carnival, runs the big St. Catherine’s wheel
Runs home every day at noon for his wife’s lasagna
When he hears the cathedral church bells peal

The Sistine chapel is a beautiful thing
And Christ’s last supper, remember, was a Passover meal
They put him up on the cross
Left him for dead and he almost died
Then he rallied three days
Then died for real

And everyone believes in Santa Claus at an early age
And then at some point it comes time to turn the page
When you don’t believe in Santa no more you still gotta pretend around your friends who do
And then one day everybody’s suddenly grown up
Now don’t you think it’s time to do the same with Jesus too

They put him up on the cross
And left him for dead and he almost died
Then he rallied three days
Then died for real

And they might kill me for saying it
But Mary made up the virgin birth
To save her hide,
And Joseph bought it
To keep his pride
And the whole damn thing’s a great big lie
Jesus was a Jew and so am I
But I–I got a guitar
I got a guitar

They tried to crucify Clinton for the very same blow job
Washington and Jefferson and Kennedy and Nixon got
Distracted him from the job at hand
Then they tried to drape themselves in the colors of a patriot

Constant war for profits and oil
Then they they sit in churches of gold asking
What would Jesus do

Well he’d look at your lies and cycle of death
And fat cat clubs and mister I tell you
He’d register to vote and he’d never vote for you

I saw Moses late in his life
He was supposed to have gone off into the mountains and died already
Living a life of quiet contemplation
Living off General Electric stock that had split nine times
And made him richer than J.Paul Getty

I asked him what he thought of Jesus
Yeah I asked him what he thought of Jesus

He said nix to the Virgin Birth thing
Nix to the Resurrection
The Sermon on the Mount was admittedly slick
Walking on Water was a pretty good trick
All in all if he was here I’d order a glass of whisky and I’d raise it in his name
And quaff it
But let’s not get carried away
He was a minor prophet

They put him up on the cross
And left him for dead and he almost died
Then he rallied three days
Then died for real

And they might kill me for saying it
But Mary made up the virgin birth
To save her hide,
And Joseph bought it
To keep his pride
And the whole damn thing’s a great big lie
Jesus was a Jew and so am I
But I–I got a guitar
I got a guitar

(lyrics: Dan Bern)