Charles Bukowski never puked on my lawn
Charles Bukowski never peed on my porch, in his underwear
I just know him from his poems
I just know him from his stories
So I like him
I like him very much

Charles Bukowski never drank all my beer
At three in the morning
Charles Bukowski never made rude suggestions to my sister
I just know him from his poems
I just know him from his stories
So I like him
I like him very much

If I’d have know him and he’d have done terrible things
Then probably I wouldn’t like him
But I like him very much

Charles Bukowski never tired to screw my mother against her wishes
Charles Bukowski never stole my car and crashed it and left it running
I just know him from his poems,
I just know him from his stories
so I like him
I like him very much

If I had known him and he’d have got drunk and kicked me in the balls
Then I wouldn’t like him
But I like him
I like him very much

(lyrics: Dan Bern)