If you’ll stop having abortions
I’ll stop sticking it in you
If you’ll stop having abortions
I’ll stop sticking it in you
All’s fair in love and war
If you’ll have a baby every time you conceive
I’ll only fuck you when I want one

If you want to be treated like a baby
You’ve got to treat me like a baby
If you want to be treated like a baby
Then treat me like a baby
All’s fair in love and war
If you want to be treated like a baby, baby
You’ll have to treat me like a baby

I got pregnant once, did I ever tell you
Couldn’t believe my belly got so distended
I decided to keep it, out came a horse
Still not sure just what God intended

So, if you’ll quit having abortions
I’ll keep my hormones in check
If you’ll quit having abortions
I’ll keep my dick strapped to my leg
All’s fair in love and war
If you’ll have a baby every time you conceive
I’ll only fuck you when I want one
And if you know you’ll have a baby every time you conceive
I’ll let you know when I want one

(lyrics: Dan Bern)