My name is Bernstein
I don’t have a first name
I don’t have a last name
One name’s OK, I think
I pretty much hate names,
labels and things like that
But if I gotta have one
My name is Bernstein

My name is Bernstein
Like Leonard Bernstein
It rhymes with Einstein
It rhymes with Frankenstein

*** OPTION #1 ***

If you can’t call me that
Don’t call me anything
My name is Bernstein
What’s yours?

*** OPTION #2 ***

If you wanna call me Dan
Prepare to fuck right off
My name is Bernstein
What’s yours?

My name is Bernstein
It was my dad’s name
When he came to America
He changed it
Then he hated it
I hated it too
My name is Bernstein

In case you didn’t know
Jesus changed his name too
He was born as Jesus Lipshitz
It became Lifschultz
Then Jesus Lipchick
Then Jesus Christ
He always regretted it

My name is Bernstein
It rhymes with Frankenstein
It rhymes with Gertrude Stein
Pretty much like Einstein
I don’t care if
You call me anything
But if you call me
My name is Bernstein

(lyrics: Dan Bern)