Me and Michael Jackson shared a bed in ‘72
At that time I was underage
I guess he was too
We drank Jesus Juice out of cans of Mountain Dew
Me and Michael Jackson shared a bed in ‘72

Helen Keller was deaf and blind, everybody knows
But they don’t tell you she was red, redder than a rose
A communist, a socialist, the facts beyond repute
Helen Keller spoke but history made her mute

She’ll be coming round the mountain when she comes
She’ll be coming round the mountain when she comes
Botox parties for her eyes
She’ll collect DWI’s
She’ll be coming round the mountain when she comes

Columbus discovered America, yes sir
I have two cats, one of them discovered fur
George W. discovered the defense of our great nation
In eight grade I went home from school and discovered masturbation

She’ll be coming round the mountain when she comes
She’ll be coming round the mountain when she comes
Drown her children in the ocean
Manufacture motion lotion
She’ll be coming round the mountain when she comes

Me and Janet Jackson we swapped nipples there one time
If you’re wondering when it was, it was October ‘99
Minor outpatient procedure, put us both into the freezer
And that nipple that you saw at the Super Bowl was mine

She’ll be coming round the mountain when she comes
She’ll be coming round the mountain when she comes
She’ll be moaning and a groaning
On her cell phone she’ll be phoning
She’ll be coming round the mountain when she comes

Every thing I ever done I done it by the book
Balco gave me supplements I swear I never took
I attacked Nebraska but I never broke no law
I found weapons of mass destruction in downtown Omaha
Torch the Flag and kill the Constitution, let it burn
Take the microphone away from Howard Stern
Lock up Thomas Jefferson and Jack the Ripper too
I wanna see some A-rabs, I’ll meet you at the zoo

She’ll be coming round the mountain when she comes
She’ll be coming round the mountain when she comes
With support hose and bifocals
On the 8th Avenue local
She’ll be coming round the mountain when she comes

She’ll be coming round the mountain and she’s carving every tree
I hear she’s bringing cocaine and a bunch of ecstasy
Crosses on her forehead and a earring on her tit
And a Pee Wee Herman key chain and a karaoke kit

She’ll be coming round the mountain when she comes
She’ll be coming round the mountain when she comes
They’re gonna transplant her liver
Drop it in the East River
She’ll be coming round the mountain when she comes

She’ll be coming round the mountain when she comes
She’ll be coming round the mountain when she comes
Botox party for her soul
Gonna make her spirit whole
She’ll be coming round the mountain when she comes

(lyrics: Dan Bern)