STORIES AND PICTURES SUBMITTED BY FANS the following was sent to us by darby larson and we liked it so much we decided to 1)put it on the web site and 2)start a regular feature where anyone can send whatever they wish, and the best ones, well, anyway, the ones we like, will be featured in FAN'S CORNER. it can pertain to db and the ijbc or not. of course, if it does pertain to db and the ijbc, it will be more likely to be featured in FAN'S CORNER. photos, drawings, stories, anecdotes, antidotes, cures for aids etc. are all welcome. perhaps there will be prizes. we're not quite that far yet. to submit, please send stuff to danbern@gte.net. The Adventures of Dan, Me, Cici Lala, and the Cockroach Man Once upon a time, Dan Bern and I were walking around town. Soon, we walked by a homeless person in a cardboard box. He was all dirty and stuff. With scruffy hair and cockroaches in his pockets. He looked at us and said to Dan, "How would you like me to set you up with a nice cardbox for yourself sir?" and Dan said, "If you must put me in a box, make sure it's a big box." and I said, "and with a nice high chimney." and Dan said to me, "shut up!" The dirty cockroach man said, "well, how much time do you guys got? It'll take a while to get a big box with a chimney. I've got to put in an order back at the plant, fill out paperwork, ya know" Dan said, "I've got an awful lot of time on my hands." The cockroach man said, "How come?" Dan said, "God told me. God is always telling me things all the time. Like 'lay down naked on the ground' and 'I've got an awful lot of time on my hands' and 'No' and 'the best is yet to come' and stuff and Jesus says things to me too sometimes, like 'take this fucking cross off my back' and..." the cockroach man interrupted and said, "okay okay, jeez man, I was just asking. You sure talk a lot." Dan said, "I wish my sister had taught me how to stop." The cockroach man said, "okay, whatever." I looked at the cockroach man's pockets and said, "How come you got cockroaches in your pockets mister?" He said, "Are you gonna buy a box or what?" Dan said, "Could you set a price and post it to my e-mail?" Just then, some flying geese flew overhead. We all looked up. They were flying up there. We just stared for a little while. Pretty soon, I pointed. Dan's mouth was open a little. Dan said softly, "Fly Away." But, as if in defiance of Dan's dream, they stayed. In fact they landed, side by side, six birds on a telephone wire. Then the cockroach man, who was just a lonesome hobo really, took out his big gun, loaded it with bullets, and obliterated their memories. Bang Bang. Then Dan got really upset and said, "This is just plain crazy, we need disarmament!" Just then, a little girl came out of the box the cockroach man was in, no doubt woken up by the bang bang. Dan and I didn't even see her in there before. She looked confused. The cockroach man said to the little girl, "wanna smokaplaya blackajack orsump?" The little girl just stood there and said, "uhh.. I dunno." She was very confused. But then I thought, 'I dunno, I guess she's an alright kind of a girl.' Dan looked at the little girl and said, "What's your name?" and the girl said, "Cici Lala. What's your name?" Dan said, "My name is Bernstein." The little girl said, "That rhymes with Gertrude Stein." Dan said, "yep." Just then, the cockroach man said, "Hey, do you guys know any nursery rhymes you could teach my daughter." and Dan said, "I know Old Mother Hubbard. It goes like this... " and then Dan started singing loudly, "...and I dug up the bones of old Mother Hubbard's husband Joe..." Then I stopped Dan and said, "Jesus Christ man, she's already confused. I'm bored here, let's leave." So Dan and me walked away, towards the edge of town. Then it started raining, like a flash flood or something. Then Dan stopped, turned around and said to the girl, "Come ooon! Get Wet!" - Darby Larson http://www.kittenpants.org/24_waitup/18things.asp http://eyeshot.net/larson.html Mom Said No (Sung to the tune of God Said No) Co-written by Midori Higuchi (age 10) and Annette Hess I asked Mom Can I have some candy Can I have some gum Because I really want some I would eat it up Leave the stains on my fingers Stains on my tongue I'd even let you have some Mom said No If I let you have it You won't eat your dinner You will get a tummy ache You just might throw up All over the table And I would have to clean it While you run to the bathroom Mom said No I asked Mom Can I go outside Can I play with Audrey She just got a trampoline I'd jump up & down Do flips in the air I would go flying Like a bird in the sky Mom said No If I let you go there If I let you do that There's a good chance you would fall You could break your legs Or possibly your spine You'd probably get injured And we don't need that hassle Mom said No I asked Mom Can I have a sibling I'd really like a sister You know I really want one I would dress her up Play mommy to the baby And when she would cry Well, then you could have her Mom said No If I have a baby If I have another Our household would falter We would become broke You'd constantly be fighting Just play with your cats You can dress them up too Mom said No A Bern Soundtrack To This Life written by Jonathan Aldecoa In Jerusalem where we were promised to have a love that might not love us all that much Learned the Death of Elvis brought a sigh of relief to this world An' to never fall in love again an' all that stuff But if I have to pick a soundtrack of my life I'll depend on my soul an' heart to get me by Tiger Woods has balls built of steel to dance with white men an' steal the game We all loved oh so much Discovery of the cure fer aids would bring me fame The late nights with Everbody's Baby An' the One Dance that brought be doubt Has got me rollin' away oh so lazy If Charles Manson gets a song written 'bout the true nature of his orgins How come I don't get a hooker who'll have a heart to store my love in? If Pete Rose can live with all that dough an' cocaine can bring me Blue Jay's Way How come I'm in Nick Cave's Pure White Snow? A New American Language must be spoken to the New Leaf that has been turned over A Black Tornado has spun inside of piss an' this Albuquerque Lullaby will bring ya lower To the rice fields hoverin' over Toledo In the sweetness of yer lonely lil' death To Cowboy Joe's do si do What will sound off come this Fall When I've patently chose-to not eat crow Will I have a beat that will ring true Will the Style out conqueer my Soul Or will I fly away just like Superman Chain of Kyrptonite 'round my neck Will the IJBC be there to jam? Dan Bern (on right) and Chris Chandler (on left) at the High Sierra Music Festival in July 2004. Drawing by Ethan Narad (age 5). Dan Bern portrait by Adam Brooks Dan Bern doll by Tanya Buschau By Adam Brooks Eli's tattoo Michael's tribute to Dan Bern in Calgary Shannon's tattoo

 

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