STORIES AND PICTURES SUBMITTED BY FANS
the following was sent to us by darby larson and we liked it so much we decided to 1)put it on the web site and 2)start a regular feature where anyone can send whatever they wish, and the best ones, well, anyway, the ones we like, will be featured in FAN'S CORNER. it can pertain to db and the ijbc or not. of course, if it does pertain to db and the ijbc, it will be more likely to be featured in FAN'S CORNER. photos, drawings, stories, anecdotes, antidotes, cures for aids etc. are all welcome. perhaps there will be prizes. we're not quite that far yet. to submit, please send stuff to email@example.com.
The Adventures of Dan, Me, Cici Lala, and the Cockroach Man
Once upon a time, Dan Bern and I were walking around town. Soon, we walked by a homeless person in a cardboard box. He was all dirty and stuff. With scruffy hair and cockroaches in his pockets. He looked at us and said to Dan, "How would you like me to set you up with a nice cardbox for yourself sir?" and Dan said, "If you must put me in a box, make sure it's a big box." and I said, "and with a nice high chimney." and Dan said to me, "shut up!" The dirty cockroach man said, "well, how much time do you guys got? It'll take a while to get a big box with a chimney. I've got to put in an order back at the plant, fill out paperwork, ya know" Dan said, "I've got an awful lot of time on my hands." The cockroach man said, "How come?" Dan said, "God told me. God is always telling me things all the time. Like 'lay down naked on the ground' and 'I've got an awful lot of time on my hands' and 'No' and 'the best is yet to come' and stuff and Jesus says things to me too sometimes, like 'take this fucking cross off my back' and..." the cockroach man interrupted and said, "okay okay, jeez man, I was just asking. You sure talk a lot." Dan said, "I wish my sister had taught me how to stop." The cockroach man said, "okay, whatever." I looked at the cockroach man's pockets and said, "How come you got cockroaches in your pockets mister?" He said, "Are you gonna buy a box or what?" Dan said, "Could you set a price and post it to my e-mail?" Just then, some flying geese flew overhead. We all looked up. They were flying up there. We just stared for a little while. Pretty soon, I pointed. Dan's mouth was open a little. Dan said softly, "Fly Away." But, as if in defiance of Dan's dream, they stayed. In fact they landed, side by side, six birds on a telephone wire. Then the cockroach man, who was just a lonesome hobo really, took out his big gun, loaded it with bullets, and obliterated their memories. Bang Bang. Then Dan got really upset and said, "This is just plain crazy, we need disarmament!" Just then, a little girl came out of the box the cockroach man was in, no doubt woken up by the bang bang. Dan and I didn't even see her in there before. She looked confused. The cockroach man said to the little girl, "wanna smokaplaya blackajack orsump?" The little girl just stood there and said, "uhh.. I dunno." She was very confused. But then I thought, 'I dunno, I guess she's an alright kind of a girl.' Dan looked at the little girl and said, "What's your name?" and the girl said, "Cici Lala. What's your name?" Dan said, "My name is Bernstein." The little girl said, "That rhymes with Gertrude Stein." Dan said, "yep." Just then, the cockroach man said, "Hey, do you guys know any nursery rhymes you could teach my daughter." and Dan said, "I know Old Mother Hubbard. It goes like this... " and then Dan started singing loudly, "...and I dug up the bones of old Mother Hubbard's husband Joe..." Then I stopped Dan and said, "Jesus Christ man, she's already confused. I'm bored here, let's leave." So Dan and me walked away, towards the edge of town. Then it started raining, like a flash flood or something. Then Dan stopped, turned around and said to the girl, "Come ooon! Get Wet!"
Bern Soundtrack To This Life
Jerusalem where we were promised to have
Woods has balls built of steel
Charles Manson gets a song written
A New American Language must be spoken
What will sound off come this Fall
Bern (on right) and Chris Chandler (on left) at the High Sierra
Music Festival in July 2004.
Dan Bern portrait by Adam Brooks
Dan Bern doll by Tanya Buschau
By Adam Brooks
Michael's tribute to Dan Bern in Calgary